I was not raised Episcopalian.  I was not raised to contemplate and meditate on my returning to Ash. As a youth, I learned about the fruits of the Spirit and did my best to live them.  I did not always succeed.  I realized early on that as much as I strived for perfection and believed I had to be perfect; I never was.  Gratefully, it wasn’t supposed to happen.  I know that now.

I have not spent time contemplating attributes that may weaken my journey and/or strengthen my walk in Christ.  Observing Lent is my chance to do just that.

I have recently been introduced to this season of Lent and it is a welcome addition to my spiritual practice.   I already include meditation and Spiritual readings in my mourning routine and I choose a path of love, compassion and kindness.  The more I learn about Lent, the more I am excited about going deeper into my walk so I can focus on attributes such as faithfulness, and humility, etc. which will enhance my walk in Christ.

On this first Monday after Ash Wednesday; the topic is humility.  I question whether I really am humble.  It is a question that I haven’t really ever asked myself.  Growing up there is usually a pecking order; Father, Mother, first born, second born, third born.  Even with our fur babies, when a new addition comes along we make sure the pack is clearly defined for our baby by making sure that going out, coming in, and feeding time is done is order of longevity.  That is to encourage obedience to the young whipper snapper!

That isn’t the same thing as being humble and living with humility.  I realized as I took this contemplative journey this morning that I may not be as humble as I would guess; or hope.  I find myself speaking up quickly when an answer is posed.  Do I think I have the right answer, the best answer, or am I just uncomfortable with silence?   I sometimes look at how someone does something and rush to show them a “better” way.  Is my way better?  Do I really believe it is better or is it just the way that I feel comfortable doing it?  

I remember feeling looked over and dismissed as a youth.  Perhaps in my evolution to find my place I swung too far to the other side by demanding to be heard; without realizing it. 

It has occurred to me that I really don’t know if I am humble.  I do know I desire to be.  So, this is my lenten journey.  To catch acts of pridefulness, to challenge myself to be more mindful,  to change how and when I speak and to claim a new humble way of being h

If you observe Lent; may I humbly suggest a book that is inspiring me.  A Spring In The Desert by Frank and Victoria Logue.